Anger and the Heart

In spiritual terms, illnesses can be a wake up call or a time of reckoning where we are forced to take stock and see what changes in life we might want to make. Illness is not necessarily bad, it is a message from the body that something is out of order or needs to change. If you think that you can’t change a job you hate now, knowing that you could die in six months helps you realign priorities and you take action.

I was pondering the effects of anger on the heart when a co-worker went for heart surgery. He is a vitriolic man at times, which I will explain. Before going in for heart surgery, he was suddenly sweeter. While recovering, he came in to visit a couple of times and he was nice, calm and complimentary. That is not what I expect of him. I thought the whole experience was going to change him for the better.

Back at work for maybe three weeks, my co-worker told a new male employee to help induce his wife’s labor by the advice ‘kick her’ and ‘push her down the stairs.’ He may think that this is funny. He then offered a valuable piece of merchandise that is supposed to be sold to another salesman under the condition that he gets half the sale. Personally, I saw this as extortion and told my co-worker so. I was told to shut up. Three weeks after his recovery from heart problems, he is more acidic and still grasping for more than he knows that he deserves. Nothing has changed.

What goes around comes around. In spiritual terms, if you give to the universe, you get back. What you get back may not make you wealthy but is abundance in the form of warm relationships, help when you need it most, more food that you expect or other surprises. If you spread anger and hate, it winds up flowing back to you in terms of angry people or situations around you.

I am thinking about my co-worker wondering how his behavior actually affects the heart as an organ. I never think about this man more than I have to so I have never looked for information about his heart. Reading this, I notice I have not thought about how I could help him. I have never read anything about the effects of emotion on the heart, only stress on the body overall. Stress has been connected to physical ailments and cancer. As always, I am left with more questions than answers.

Rock Transporter II

Since then, I have bought many pretty, expensive rocks and crystals only to find out that I am a transporter of rocks. I am meant to help rocks get from one place to another or to another person.

If a rock or item inexplicably falls from your hands, it sometimes means that you are meant to pass it along. If I am collecting on the beach and I drop it, I know that I am not meant to have it. With rocks, it means that they actually want to go to another home or person. Maybe your time or need for the crystal is over. I am not happy about this when it happens. I may be on a spiritual path but I am flawed. Occasionally, I will buy something and be afraid to show it to anyone.

I love pretty pink rose quartz. I have spent as much as $7 for some small but very pink stones. Once, I showed a good friend my new rose quartz and it jumped from my hand and rolled across a level floor. I thought it should have stayed closer to me but it rolled three feet in her direction. It wound up near enough for my friend to pick it up. I cringed!!!!! I had a certain knowingness that she needed the stone, but I was not gracious. Honestly, I was upset about losing my new stone. It stayed with her and she loves it still.

Since then, I have found that I have a pull towards certain rocks that I will soon find out were meant for others. Certain crystals have healing properties. I picked up one stone meant for clear insight, and clearing addictions only to meet a woman dealing with an alcoholic with a drug problem. She started cooing at the beautiful blue color and I just handed the rock to her. I felt betrayed by the rock but started to understand the process. Sometimes we may pay for things, but that does not mean we can actually possess them.

Rocks come to us in our time of needs (healing crystals, the protection of a rock wall) or sometimes as old friends saying hello. They once ruled the world before others trod upon it, and they supposedly feel forgotten. If I am writing too much, know that I am teaching what I need to learn. I have a couple of shamanic stones from which I need to learn but have yet to spend time with alone.

Rock Transporter I

It probably seems off the wall to think of rocks communicating. If I had read that line ten years ago, I would have said ‘crack pot.’ Unfortunately, rocks use me as a form of carrier transport.

After a beautiful snow, I went to a local hiking area. The hills were covered with a layer of white. Suddenly, I came across a brown spot on the path. It was the only non-white spot in the entire vicinity.

It was a long brown oval shaped rock that was totally uncovered with snow. How was this possible? Was the rock warmer than the surrounding area?

As I looked at the rock, I thought ‘hey there handsome fellow (I was lying, it was a long ugly ordinary rock that looked like a smooth potato) how are you alone and uncovered with snow when we are surrounded by a blanket of white?’ I smiled at my silliness.

In my head I clearly heard, “Mari.” Mari is the name of a friend I would see at a workshop in 2 days. I nearly fell over. Was this rock meant for Mari? I was stunned. I picked up the oaf of a rock and hauled it up the hill wondering how to give it to Mari without feeling stupid.

I pick up pretty rocks, not ugly ones (ok!!! I am shallow- about rock collecting). This rock I carried was not worth collecting, but the impossibility of it having no snow on it gave it significance. I should not ignore the coincidence of hearing ‘Mari’ at the exact time of seeing the rock.

I gave the rock to Mari. She was non-plussed but appreciative. “Thank you! So you are a rock carrier too.” Mari said she had been a caretaker for rocks when they ruled the earth. I really wanted to know what care taking a person could do for rocks and I wanted to ask about it, but I feared sounding like a smart ass so I never had the guts to ask. Mari implied that the rock was smart enough to get me to carry it to her when I looked like I had trouble processing this whole rock experience. Up until that date, that had been one of the weirdest experiences for me.

Seeking Answers

Patty and I went to Gay City State Park. I was told to use Jaguar to guide me but I just wanted to look for any part of the landscape that looked like my picture.

When I told Patty about Janice Pocket, she also had the impression that the killer drove around in a large four-door car. She had other insights as well.

She went in the main entrance and over to the clump of rocks by the front gate. “I feel like… she (Janice Pocket) was buried under their noses. She was right in front of them and they couldn’t see her. They couldn’t see her-like the forest for the trees.” That made us think that the killer was a person that the police would not suspect, or would trust.

We walked a while and then both felt the need to go to the left at the same time. We walked and could have turned to the left again; I felt the need to walk straight to a point marked by a rock on right. I have a strong pull to the spot. Don’t know why. I need to figure out what to do next.

Patty wanted to walk to the clump of rocks on the incline to the left. She sat down. She began to talk. The rocks told her that the killer had hit the girl with one of them. He had laid her against them while digging her grave.

Patty got the input that:

a.) It gave the murderer joy to have her in his control, under his power.

b.) He had driven around with her in his trunk of a large car for a while, maybe even days.

(I told her that I thought she was dead and buried within the first 12 hours. She said that that was possible. He held her for a while- but that could have meant that he really enjoyed his time with her and it was only for 40 minutes. Still, she could be totally right that he drove around with a little girl for days. Psychics all see different aspects of things as if tuning into different radio frequencies and getting different stations.)

c.) He had a familiarity with the law that helped him manage, clean up a crime site. That kept him out of suspicion.

d.) Patty felt that he had drugged (put a cloth over her mouth) the little girl to keep her quiet. She had a sense that Janice had really made a lot of noise.

According to the rocks, others were buried here also. Other murders had occurred here as well.

If it seems strange to think of rocks communicating, know that elements of nature are interrelated. We are linked by the same energy. Also, according to them, there was a time that the rocks were alone and ruled the world.

Seeking Guidance, Using Jaguar, Overcoming Fear

I called my shamanic teacher about the missing girl, Janice Pocket. I asked her if she got any impressions from the pictures I was given. She did not.

She felt that there was a detective in his 40’s that might be interested in this information who had not yet heard it. She suggested that I call the Cold Case Office and try to find him.

As a shaman, she suggested that I go the park where I think that Janice is buried and use Jaguar to see if I can sniff out or track the body. Jaguar is a shamanic animal which protects our medicine space. He is also a hunter. He can smell what information I need. Jaguar could possibly lead me to right to where the body is located.

I am struck with incredulity but willing to try. Actually, I really want to find another psychic to confirm or add to my findings. I said that I would try dragging another shaman in training to the park.

My shaman-sage-teacher said it is good to go with someone, not alone. ‘There are things which can be picked up in the woods.’ She believes that it is best to not give attention or energy to negative or lower vibration things so she never explains them. I am always curious about what she does not tell me (what could possibly be in the woods???????) but when I ask, I get no answer.

I went to look at a rental property for a shop. The landlord asked what I expected to make in gross profit for my first year. I looked at him blankly like a cow in the field, then like a deer in headlights. Someone starting a business should probably have ideas about that. It is embarrassing to not know, especially to someone who was always the good student.

Sage advice or discouraging words?

A friend spent two hours trying to scare me about opening a shop. I have been terrified for two years so she had nothing new to say just experience to back up her words. She was scary.

To distract her, I told her about Janice Pocket. She was unfamiliar with the case. As I told her that I had the impression someone was buried at Gay City State Park, she agreed. Unfortunately, she said she had a strong feeling that it is not Janice but someone else.

She suggested we find a psychic who might be able to confirm more. I don’t have many professional psychics on my personal Rolodex.

Seeking financing

I am not very happy in my current job. That is not unusual but I hate it for myself. I have loved going to work and I miss that. I work with people who would sell a family member for a $5 commission.

Two years ago, I took a jewelry making class for fun. I really enjoyed it. During the class, others began to sit next to me to copy my designs. Since then, I have been buying beads, gemstones and other jewelry making components for a hobby gone wild.

Going to the area mega mart hobby stores has been a depressing experience in being taken monetarily for cheap quality beads. This has led me to go to bead shows where I spend more than I should, but they are artist dates (The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron) where I come back with all kinds of necklace and earring ideas. I do not know what is out there, and possible until I see it. (I do not know what I don’t know and that limits my idea of what could be.) Finding beads and rocks leads to the idea of what is possible for pendants, earrings and necklaces…..

On January 1, I woke with the message, ‘sell beads.’ I assume the idea is that I could successfully sell beads and jewelry making components. Someone must think that I could make money at this.

As I read about starting new businesses, I see a lot of warnings about 60+% of all new businesses failing. My intuition started this. If I act on faith, I have to assume that someone thinks I could succeed at this, unless it is my karmic lesson to fail…. Actually, I have found lots of beautiful beads in places that are not available in my area so there is a niche.

To start a business, you need to write a business plan. It needs to be well researched and thought out in solid financial details. I am starting out with, “my intuition tells me so” and “I am waiting for more details to surface.” I can hear a banker laughing in the distance.

Cash flow is an issue for start up businesses. Borrowing money is done. I can’t go to a bank and say, ‘I have this idea… my intuition says it will work…trust me….give me lots of money.’

Worrying about finding money last Monday… I got a flash of intuition. ‘Borrow from your retirement fund’ (Susie Ormond would definitely disagree and I respect her greatly). Hmm. The number $10,000 popped in there as a detail.

I ran it by some people who hated the idea. My beloved quoted Susie Ormond. I hate him for actually hearing me.

Yesterday, I got another flash of intuition. ‘Call retirement fund’ which I did. They didn’t even ask why I wanted the money (I love TIAA-CREF). I am now about to receive $9000 this upcoming Monday. That was way too easy. In fact, I do not think that they should let anyone borrow that much money that easily…. But I have to assume that this is a good sign.

An adventure begins, one that I did not see coming.