Gulf Oil Spill and Healing

June

This past Spring, we all watched and waited for better news as oil surged into the waters of the Gulf area. It went on week after week. I remembered the pictures of oil-covered coastline, birds and animals from the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska (1989) as the news of the Gulf continued. So much potential damage with no end in sight due to the oil surging from the ground.

I have strong feelings about the oil spill. It was hard to know what to write. I was so upset.

Couldn’t more have been done all along? Couldn’t more be done to contain the oil rather than look good for news crews at every step of the way? Injustice burned and I wanted to be angry. That is not helpful.

According to the laws of the universe (as seen in the book and movie The Secret), what we focus on will yield results or appear (manifest). If I focus on the lack of concern and effort by BP, that is what I will see. If I focus on the destruction of plants, animals, habitats and people’s livelihoods, that is what will occur. If I could imagine healing in the Gulf, that would occur.

In shamanic terms, one must walk away from the past and into the future, which we create daily. According to the movie The Field of Dreams, “build it and they will come….” I personally struggle with only believing that my past is all that I am when it is not true. The snake sheds its skin (its past) regularly as we all can do.

Dr. Masaru Emoto, author of The Hidden Messages of Water, is the Japanese scientist who has studied the effects of emotion on water. He did so analyzing slides of frozen water crystals for many years. Dr. Emoto has proposed that we all send love and intentions of healing to the Gulf. Sending love with bring physical healing to the area.

"I send the energy of love and gratitude to the water and all the living creatures in the Gulf of Mexico and its surroundings. To the whales, dolphins, pelicans, fish, shellfish, planktons, corals, algae and all living creatures..... I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you."

Ghost Hunting I

Watching the ghost hunting shows is one of my guilty pleasures. I had to come out of the closet at Christmas when there was a ghost-hunting marathon on Christmas Day. I wanted to watch past episodes while peeling potatoes. My mother had not seen me in a while so she was quiet at first. After the third episode, she let me know she thought it was all made up. I would not be happy if I thought any of it was faked.

My beloved developed a desire to hunt for ghosts. When he told me, I wanted to be encouraging. It is nothing that I want to do but I don’t want to discourage him.

Unfortunately, I got a gut level, knee jerk feeling of alarm. My intuition told me, “Something will follow him home!!!!!” It was a strong desperate feeling too. I did not tell him this at first, as I didn’t want to be that person who puts the damper on another’s dreams. What do I do with that information then? I told him about forms of protection to imagine and use.

No one ever mentions on any ghost hunting shows that things can follow you home. Is it true? I believe it but have to wonder why it is not common knowledge if true.

My beloved came home from a paranormal lecture, which he really enjoyed. What did he learn? Ghosts can follow you home. Turns out, they are curious about us at times. One followed a man home and hung out in his son’s room until he could figure out how to get it to leave.

We should all be on the lookout for things which can follow us home in body and spirit.

A new way of thinking

In the Hartford Courant published April 30, a reporter interviewed Richard Lapointe. Twenty years ago, he was convicted of murdering his wife’s grandmother. At the time, he signed three confessions all the while telling police that he loved his grandmother-in-law.

He confessed to killing her. It looks bad.

He has an IQ of 80. He does not remember admitting to murder. In the article, he is quoted as saying he never confessed; he is not a stupid man. He would never do that. He just remembers that the police kept talking and he could not go home.

He signed one confession saying he strangled his grandmother-in-law with his bare hands. A medical examiner testified that she was strangled with pressure from a blunt object. Lapointe signed a second confession indicating that he stabbed his 88-year-old grandmother in law in the family room, while evidence suggests that the stabbing occurred in the bedroom. In the third confession, Lapointe said that his grandmother in law was wearing a pink housecoat. No such article of clothing was ever found. Hmmmm…… (Aren’t you thinking it too? Whoever wrote the confessions does not seem to have read the evidence very well. Of course, that is easy to write now.) Worse, DNA in a pubic hair found at the scene does not match Lapointe’s DNA. The author obviously wants Lapointe’s conviction overturned. After reading the article, I am obviously hoping for the same thing.

Despite all he has been through, (being wrongfully convicted, losing his wife, losing a relationship with his son) he is not bitter. He is not angry with police over three signed confessions. “They were just dong their jobs.” Can you imagine that? He is a saint. I have fantasies about strangling people who get in the 12 items or less lane with a full cart of groceries. He can forgive years of incarceration and not even understand being angry.

Richard Lapointe, a man of low IQ, is wise. He is not angry. He has not become bitter or twisted by his experiences. He does not even need to forgive. It is a new way of thinking.

The effects of anger

May 4

Many people have heart problems where I work. At least four have had open-heart surgery. Wondering why, I have been pondering anger and the effects on the heart.

I work with angry people every day. They mirror my internal anger that I need to see. I have a lot to learn.

On a routine physical, my doctor completed an EKG on me. He noted that I have a minor blockage. It is a slow down of blood from one chamber of the heart to the next. He noted this as being a minor thing, “I could send you to a cardiologist but it is not necessary…” I have few health complaints and have never had any problems related to my heart. I note that this is how the heart problems begin.

Is there anything I can learn?

Since then, I have had a few incidents where I got really angry. I got so upset, I felt my heart burn. As I thought about how anger affected me, I realized that it felt like someone had my heart in a vice grip. Anger actually has a physical effect on the body.

I deal with anger, I indulge in anger, I do not back down when faced with another’s anger. I probably need to learn to let go, to not engage in it and to not get hooked by anger. It is a dance I need to learn to ignore for my own benefit. For me, that will be easier said than done.

July 7

As soon as I started to pay attention to the tomato plant mysteriously growing in my beloved houseplant, it started to decline and look sad. I thought it was my imagination until all the leaves fell off. I have never seen tomato plants lose their leaves unless pulled off so I am really confused as to how this could happen. The mystery source that gave the tomato life mocks me and started to kill the tomato plant as soon as I began to fuss over it.

I had been dying to see what kind of tomato might grow on this plant since I planted yellow Shaker pear tomatoes and red large heirloom Shaker tomatoes in the kitchen. How did tomato seeds get into the houseplant? What kind got in there? If the tomato plant dies, I will never know. Best to go back to ignoring it. I did put it on the outside deck to get more heat and sunshine, which could kill my houseplant.

I moved my beta fish to a shelf in the kitchen where it is really hot in the summer heat. Heat can speed the life cycle of the affliction on his back. I hope this will help him. He is up high to keep him safe from the bored, predatory male cats that like to stalk him. Unfortunately, I find that I keep forgetting to feed him in this new spot

I called the State Police about my packet of information from last fall. One found it interesting but conflicts with what they think they know about the killer. They believe that the killer is dead. I am not sure about that.

All in all, it has been a few weeks of no successes and some failures. I keep weeding and cannot keep up. I am sharing the garden with my beloved and my downstairs neighbor. Neither feels the need to weed.

The weeds are bigger, thicker and stronger than the plants we are tending. Thoughts keep running in my head about the ability of the dark and negative to overpower what we grow in love. Weeds blanket the ground of the garden filling all the empty spaces. They choke my small flowers.

I feel that there are many messages to be learned in battling the garden weeds. One four foot tall weed popped up almost overnight enjoying the benefits of my expensive rich soil. Squatter. If I love all life, is it ok to hate weeds? I feel conflicted about my joy in pulling them out of the ground.

I wonder about the power of a little damage of a weed to a relationship. Last week, I could not help but wonder about the damage a flirt or flirtation can do. I saw a flirt in that four foot tall ‘notice me’ weed.

Brian II

When Brian died, accompanying news reports said that the woman he was with just prior to his suicide accused him of rape. For me personally, rape is a serious, awful crime; a terrible violation. This was hard news to hear about Brian.

I have thought a lot about Brian’s “tortured mind.” At first, I wondered if the rape allegation had anything to do with it. I didn’t get any information there. It either was not relevant or not important. The intuitive landscape led me to money.

A year ago, I knew that extortion was at the bottom of Brian’s suicide and I assumed that in time, the police would find out and make that known. My intuition told me that the woman was in on an extortion plot with two other men. The woman who claimed rape was helping two other men extort money from Brian.

Hoping for an inside update, I saw his brother recently and asked in general about the information I had given him about Brian. (At the time, he had looked at me with wide eyes. He had slightly demanded to know where I had gotten the information with suspicion. I never got the sense that it was appreciated or received well, but I am not here for appreciation. I am just the messenger.) He surprised me when he said his mother had gotten great comfort from knowing that Brian was at peace. All there is- is love.

As an acquaintance, it is not easy to ask anyone personal questions. It is not appropriate at work. It is harder to ask an upper boss question you have no right to ask. I persisted. “What about the possible extortion?”

There are layers to what we can deal with. At different times, things are easier. A year has passed so I am hoping that he is ok to talk about this. He looked at me curiously but said nothing.

I persisted. “Did the police find out anything about the extortion?” I assumed that there was an investigation with follow-up reports that explained the whole story, not just what was known at the time. I was wrong. I probably need to stop watching television.

Brian’s brother looked at me. I don’t know what the poor guy was thinking. Thankfully, he explained anyway.Brian had borrowed $15,000 from him a short time before his death. He hadn’t asked for what he needed the money. At the time, Brian had seemed desperate for money. Only recently had his brother just finished paying off that loan for Brian.

Brian had asked his brother for money right before his death. He probably had no where else to turn when more money was needed. Crime was not an option. Therein lay his tortured mind. He was a middleclass African American male who would not steal.

I would hate to believe that anyone would ever falsely accuse a man of rape. It goes against the grain knowing how many women have had to fight to be believed. Thinking about Brian’s tortured mind, I get no information or inkling of a rape. I can’t help but wonder if this claim was a distraction to explain why a man would go upstairs in her building and shoot himself. I hope that I am wrong.

I am left with the awful taste of injustice. I am wondering why this is coming up now and I do not have any answers. It may help his family to know that his name was cleared but that is an earthbound way of thinking. Brian does not require vengeance.

In spirit, the dead are very forgiving. Why? On earth, we walk as actors in a script that we act out to work out our past life and present life sins and karma. We are not to blame for what happens to us. Sometimes when bad things happen to us now, we caused them for someone else in another time and need to experience the hardship ourselves. We are on the universe’s roller coaster ride of life lessons. Other times, a bad thing (car crash, divorce) may be the event which detours us onto a new career, a new life and our spiritual path. In retrospect, sometimes the worst thing that can ever happen to us is actually the best thing that ever happened to us. In this larger view, we need to be forgiving.

In the circle of love, forgiveness is the final act.

Attachments May 17

May 17

My beta fish is struggling. He is starting to be unable to control himself physically. He rolls into a floating position every once in a while.

I am upset about him. I feel like we are on the beta deathwatch.

He has the white mark of trouble on his fin. I have tried three different kinds of ‘medicine’ for it to no avail. There is never much that can be done for a fish.

While searching for another brand of beta medicine, the person working at the pet shop said that three years is a long life for a beta fish, as if I should be happy he lasted so long. I still wish that there was more that I could do. Technically, I paid $3 for him but have spent $20 on bottles of miracle cures. It is hard to watch him struggle and do nothing.

My shamanic teacher always says sometimes it is their time to go. Despite what I wrote about Bill, I wish there was someway to stop this process and help my fish.